Caution :

So let me start by saying I am not a blogger. I am one person who hates to share my personal life. I do not like to write. I have bad grammar. Like I said, I am not a blogger. But, I have to come to realize one thing in life. The Internet makes the world go round. Everything is done through the computer. If you need to spread any type of news you put it on the internet. It spreads like wildfire. So, therefore I feel like this is the place to spill my heart. Here we go.

Jeremy and I have not been in the adoption process very long.  Everyone knows that. But, yet I am already struggling.  I am struggling with the fact that I am having to depend on others. When Jeremy and I first met he called me Miss Independent. I would tell him in a heartbeat that I would never depend on anyone. I would always make sure I was capable of taking care of myself. Coming from a divorced family this was how I felt like things should be. Don't depend on anyone because one day they may not be there. Slowly he helped me to understand and trust that he will always be here and I can depend on him (just like a husband should). Before we got married we started talking about adoption. We knew this was something we would one day do. When we started researching all the different adoptions we began to realize just how expensive it is.. WE DO NOT HAVE $30,000.00 just lying around. So, we felt like that was the end of our adoption research. After talking to friends about their adoption they told us about all the fund raisers they did and how GOD provided them with their funds. So, we decided to start researching again. Then we decided to start the process. This is where the struggling begins again. I DO NOT RELY ON OTHERS. I do not ask for help. I AM STRUGGLING. We can not come up with all this money by ourselves. That's a fact. Although, we pray very hard about this issue, I still think about it constantly. How can we come up with all the money so we don't have to depend on others? Impossible. There is no way. 

I have a second struggle. This one may shock alot of you so hold on to your seats. There is one thing that I have ALWAYS struggled with as a Christian. This is turning my finances over to God and letting him be in control. I can not let go of the fact that I don't know what will happen. I am sometimes a control freak. I scares me to death to think that God is totally in control. I want to help everyone but never ask for help. I  want to donate to every adoption facebook/blog that I read. But, yet I can't ask anyone to help us. I just don't understand.  This blog is not intended to offend anyone. It is here because I need advice. I need to know how to let go of these issues I am having.I know there are many adoptive families that have raised all the money they needed. This is just my own personal struggles that I am putting our there for everyone to read. If you have any advice please feel free to leave me a comment!